Dealing with debt and money problems can be challenging at the best of times, but when you have a partner or family to consider, it can make dealing with the issue all the more complex.
Money is a big part of our lives, and if you are sharing financial obligations, such as rent payments, childcare, or bills, with a partner, then it is only fair that, if you are struggling or have personal debts, you share the details of this with them.
A 2021 study found that 1 in 5 couples see money as their biggest relationship challenge, with 1 in 4 noting they were “frustrated” by their partner’s money habits. This is why it is important to be clear and communicative with your partner if you have financial problems.
Let’s look at some of the best ways to speak confidentially and clearly with your partner about debt and financial problems.
Why It’s Important to Speak With Your Partner
It’s important to know about your partner’s financial situation when you mix payment contributions for things or have discussed setting up a joint account or getting a mortgage. In most cases, this is when you start living together and paying the bills jointly.
This is often when issues arise, as people will find that their partner’s financial habits significantly affect theirs, and vice versa.
But, money problems can arise at any point during a relationship, including:
- When you first begin dating
- During discussions about whether either partner wants children
- Deciding to move in together or apply for a mortgage
- When looking to retire
- Or, even if you are looking to separate
This shows that it is important to discuss and be open with your partner regarding financial concerns no matter what stage of your relationship or life you are at.
Moving In Together
If you are considering moving in with your partner, this could be a good financial decision for both of you as, on average, single people will be paying about £7,500 more per year to live alone, according to a recent study.
Moving in together gives you the opportunity to save or invest where you otherwise might not have. But before moving in with your partner, it’s important that you’re both open and honest with each other about your incomings and outgoings so that no one is left in the dark.
This is also important so that when emergency situations happen, you can both be rest assured that there is money available to cover them.
You will never agree on everything, particularly when it comes to money. Hence, you need to work out your differences of opinion regarding finances to avoid any frustrations that may arise in the future. Sharing decisions regarding finances, spending, and saving will help you avoid arguments, disagreements, and any underlying tensions.
If you have debts, credit cards, or loans in your name, it is wise to share the details with your partner before making any big decisions, such as moving in. Let them know if you’re in good control of your finances and any debts you may have.
If, for example, you have a DRO or any other repayment order set up, then it’s ethical to let your partner know about these before agreeing to live together.
Setting Financial Goals
Setting and working towards goals is always good for couples. Doing so helps you both know what you’re working towards as a couple. Setting financial goals can give you something to work towards and mean that conversations surrounding money and finances are likely to be more open.
If you are moving in together and know that you want to start a family someday, this will have a huge impact on your financial strength as a couple, particularly when paternity, maternity, and adoption pay are factored in.
It doesn’t even need to be something as big and considered as starting a family, particularly if you are still in the relatively early stages of your relationship. It could be perhaps that you both work towards saving money for a holiday or travel adventure.
What To Do If Your Partner Avoids Talking About Money
If you and your partner have different attitudes toward financial goals, money, and debt, this can strain your relationship. It’s important to find a way to communicate with one another about money and finances, but remember that it can be quite an emotional issue for some people, so it’s important to approach it correctly.
If your partner avoids talking about money with you, or you don’t feel comfortable talking with your partner, this can be frustrating. But remember, decisions are likely to affect you both, so you need to make these decisions together.
The longer you are with your partner, the more likely this will be true.
Here is what you need to do:
- Set up a basic budget that your partner can control. This is a good approach if they feel unconfident or comfortable with money. Letting them take charge of things such as the monthly food bill or budgeting money to pay for a night out or special takeaway one weekend can give them confidence over time.
- Rather than online banking, begin paying with cash — this can help you visualize precisely what you are spending.
- Avoid blaming one another and, instead, try to engage with your partner in a conversation about the benefits of being good with money.
